the final weeks of the last six years of my life

i’m struggling with my final 3 weeks of this degree. i’m fairly sure i’ve said the words “there will never be a harder semester than that one” every single semester for its’ entirety; i’m always trying to be clever by mixing up the majors so i don’t have an overload of tech or info services but no matter what the combo, they always get me!

this one has been the semester of procrastination and dread, partially because i had pretty much zero control over my final subjects and ended up being backed into a corner for two of the them (which are electives, making it even more frustrating). not sure if i’ve mentioned before, but i’m the most non-i.t person to have started an i.t degree (which says heaps about the lecturers because they’ve got me speaking fluent ‘derp’ now: way to go tech geeks! 🙂 ) and i STRUGGLE with coding. i was super-keen to get into the interactive web development side of things this year after a couple of years of sql and markup languages. i’ve got a brain that works well with structured, logical codes; whilst i’m creative in one sense, i love creativity and design within order and structure, so codes such as sql are great because there’s a high degree of problem-solving hidden amongst common-sense logic. PHP on the other hand is officially DOING MY HEAD IN. i don’t know what is confounding me more: the actual code, the order in which it should be written, or the fact that 9 weeks later, i still don’t get it. the only thing that is working for me is the sense of urgency i have and the knowledge that my panic has fuelled extreme studying, to the detriment of everything else in my life, and i’ll actually hand in the final assignment not only on time, but probably early. it’s 85% finished with 2 more weeks to go. unfortunately that just means that i have exactly 8 days to get myself in order for the exam. oh, the joy and excitement of furthering education…..

the other part of the final year that gets me down is that i feel like a bit of a whiner for even being so excited about finishing. i mean, it’s not like it hasn’t been done before right? people get degrees every day; you don’t hear them treating it like finishing a marathon! (i have been told before that it’s not that much of an achievement to complete something that so many other people have already done. thanks for the perspective :-S ). for me though, it’s a huge deal. on my mum’s side, i’m the first family member to get a university degree. i’ve taken my sweet time getting there (13 years since i left school) but i’m there; so far everyone else hasn’t started or has dropped out. even as far as second cousins, there might be a handful of us who went to university and came out with a piece of expensive paper. so it’s a big deal for me, and it’s both exciting and sad. this has been one of the hardest years to juggle everything, but i will still miss my nights on blackboard and access to full scholarly databases next year. maybe i’ll be accepted into the honours program and my brain won’t be so completely burnt out, and i’ll be back. maybe.

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